Last Sunday evening I danced and punched the air in delight as Shaun Murphy won the ‘Masters’ snooker final.
There is no other event I find more nostalgic.
As a young boy in the 1980s I’d be tucked up in bed, lights off, then sneak on my little white plastic Panasonic telly and let the hushed tones of commentator Ted Lowe wash over me.
The glow of the green baize of the Crucible Theatre was a beacon of the utmost tension and drama, as legends like Ray Reardon, Alex Higgins, Jimmy White, Steve Davis and Stephen Hendry crossed wooden swords, and went into battle.
Eyes glued to the screen, often holding my breath, I’d devour every pot, screw, stun, cannon, plant and kiss – utterly captivated by “The Gentleman’s Game.”
Born during The British Raj and played by army officers in their private members clubs, the dress code of ‘black tie’ continues to add real gravitas to the proceedings.
Casting my tailor’s eye over the latest finalists in this iconic snooker event, the best dressed man was left holding the trophy.
Shaun Murphy strikes me as a charming, decent, self-deprecating chap, but ‘ripped’ he is not, and probably no stranger to a fish butty.
Whoever tailored his trousers and ‘horse-shoe’ vest deserves a nod of my fedora as they fitted him beautifully, and his Louboutin patent dress shoes and self-tied bow tie were the perfect finishing touches.
Not all the players are as sartorially astute.
Judd Trump once declared in an interview, “I don’t know who comes up with the idea to wear a tie in this day and age, but it’s a stupid idea.”
This, from a guy who thinks a good idea is to “allow players to wear customised t-shirts.”
Yes, Judd.
And perhaps the next Bond should trade in his tuxedo for a logo festooned dart’s vest and joggers.
In fact, sod it.
Let’s host the next Masters in a trailer park in Western Virginia and the chaps can wear string-vests, cargo shorts and flip flops.
I’m sure The World Snooker Tour could find a local moonshine producer to sponsor proceedings and J.D. “Boss” Hogg and Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane can provide the security.
Forgive my playful protestations but formality is as important to me as the rainforest is to David Attenborough, and both need saving
For too long, the rise of the Anoraks has continued unabated, but there is light at the end of this dark, nylon clad tunnel of degeneracy.
Managing Partners and CEO’S of large businesses have told me that “standards have slipped,” they want their people back in the office, and are leading by example, quite literally smartening up their appearance.
I passionately believe if you look good, you feel good.
And if you feel good, great things will come your way.
That’s the Universal Law of Attraction.
The first thing Kyren Wilson did once he’d lost the final was remove his light grey polyester clip-on bow tie.
Whilst a step in the right direction, sadly for him it was too little, too late, and the less said about his charva-tastic double ‘G’ Gucci loafers the better.
Like Shaun Murphy, my year has got off to a wonderful start.
I’ve had a record January and have managed (shaking away) to stay on the wagon as forgiveness for my considerable sins over the festive season.
Whilst I feel I deserve a crystal trophy for my Herculean effort at sobriety, I’ll make do with a cut glass tumbler of Negroni at The Flying Pizza to celebrate my wife’s birthday on the 31st.
Here’s wishing you all the very best as we move towards Spring and hope to see you soon for some more performance enhancing finery!